Feeling trapped. Ive said it before, that Im not sure if this feeling of leaving is menopausal or if there are actually legit reasons for my wanting out of this marriage. I do love my husband, and I know we will have our ups and downs. My wanting to leave is more based on frustration and disrespect.
I mentioned before that this is my 2nd marriage. It wasn’t in my plans to be married more than once, but then no one plans that when they are marrying the first time. My ex did not take our vows seriously. After 19 years of marriage, he cheated. As devastating as it was to go through, today I can say it was for the best. I couldn’t be myself with him. He didn’t like the silliness or the way I called my kids by cute little nic names. He was very moody and kept to himself a lot. After 2 yrs single, I met my now husband. He was everything I didn’t have with my first and more! He’s a generous man, sweet and kind, hard working great provider and would give you the shirt off his back. (your probably thinking, why would i want to walk away from that??) I’ll tell you.
Reason # 1 – His daughter. Her and I get along well for the most part. She calls me mom. But the laziness and lack of responsibility to her son in his first 3 yrs has worn me down. She loved to make her son laugh, but all other responsibilities were a matter of convenience. I found myself changing his sheets, cleaning bottles that were left in her room or on the coffee table. I was picking up dirty PJ’s off my living room floor and dirty diapers off the coffee table. She was lazy!
After awhile, the anger and resentment builds up. Conversations with my husband turned into constant complaining about her parenting skills. Not just by me, but my husband too. We couldn’t have one discussion without the conversation turning to her. When we got married, her son was 3 months old. we came home from our honeymoon and fell right into raising a baby and his 19yr old mom. I often said, “if she would be the responsible parent that she supposed to be, I wouldn’t be feeling all this anger towards her” As time went on, the complaining we both were doing, turned to an obsession on my part. Always looking for fault. When I came home from work, I would walk in looking to see what she didn’t do that day and what mess she left. It got to the point that I couldn’t even be in the same room with her. I found myself a counselor. I needed clarification that this wasn’t me over reacting. I had legit reasons for my anger. But my husband wasn’t backing me up, so it led to tension and more resentment……………this time towards him.
I guess my feeling of wanting to leave partly comes from the fact that I don’t want to be raising another child at my age. We should be free and able to come and go as we want. But instead my husband wants to do everything with our grandson. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to pieces, I just feel that at this point in my life, we should be empty nesters and living the life we couldn’t when we were raising our kids. And did I mention that my husband sees my grandson as the son he never had………………………..that’s a reason for another time
Diary of a Mid-Life Wife 