Catching up

It’s been a while since I last wrote a blog post, actually, it’s been a few years. My life has pretty much stayed the same as I’ve grappled with the decision to make a change. I still care deeply for my husband, even though things haven’t gotten better and have actually gotten worse. Since 2015, both of my sons have moved out because they couldn’t get along with my husband and his daughter. This has led to less contact between me and my boys and has caused some resentment towards my husband and his daughter. Both my husband and stepdaughter show signs of narcissism, with his daughter displaying more of these traits than him. I’ve been going to counseling and have started packing up most of my things, but I struggle with expressing my emotions. Despite my husband’s narcissistic behavior and lack of communication, respect, and affection, he’s a hardworking provider for our family. However, there are things he used to do that he no longer does, and this has put a strain on our relationship.

Let’s go back to 2016 when we took a big leap and bought a house together. I was hopeful and excited, thinking this new chapter would bring us closer. But that dream faded when my stepdaughter and her son moved in with us. Eventually, her boyfriend and his children joined them, followed by news of my stepdaughter’s pregnancy. Our home felt crowded, and tensions rose as they made themselves at home without any plans to leave.

After two years of carrying the financial load alone, we asked them to contribute. When we got solar panels to save on utilities, they didn’t want to share the costs, claiming we were getting free electricity. Things hit a breaking point when they disrespected us in every way possible, refused to pay bills, and left without settling their debts.

Now, in 2024, the same cycle is repeating. They’re back at our door with more people and animals to care for. Despite clear boundaries and financial expectations, they continue to defy us and ignore their responsibilities. Their excuses and broken promises wear me down, leaving me drained and defeated. They paid rent for a few months in 2022, then stopped without explanation. We’ve been asking about payment but have received nothing. In October 2023, my husband told my stepdaughter she needed to start paying rent, and she agreed – but nothing has come of it.

We’re now stuck in a cycle of disappointment and resentment, with their lack of respect and entitlement turning our home into a battleground. Their unpaid rent hangs over us, a constant reminder of their ingratitude. We feel trapped in a never-ending nightmare, unable to escape the burden of these ungrateful residents. Since August 2022, they owe us $10,000.

I can’t help but wonder how they can sleep at night, knowing the trouble they’ve caused us. Their betrayal has left deep wounds that may never fully heal.

Reason #1

Feeling trapped. Ive said it before, that Im not sure if this feeling of leaving is menopausal or if there are actually legit reasons for my wanting out of this marriage. I do love my husband, and I know we will have our ups and downs. My wanting to leave is more based on frustration and disrespect.

I mentioned before that this is my 2nd marriage. It wasn’t in my plans to be married more than once, but then no one plans that when they are marrying the first time. My ex did not take our vows seriously. After 19 years of marriage, he cheated. As devastating as it was to go through, today I can say it was for the best. I couldn’t be myself with him. He didn’t like the silliness or the way I called my kids by cute little nic names. He was very moody and kept to himself a lot. After 2 yrs single, I met my now husband. He was everything I didn’t have with my first and more! He’s a generous man, sweet and kind, hard working great provider and would give you the shirt off his back. (your probably thinking, why would i want to walk away from that??) I’ll tell you.
Reason # 1 – His daughter. Her and I get along well for the most part. She calls me mom. But the laziness and lack of responsibility to her son in his first 3 yrs has worn me down. She loved to make her son laugh, but all other responsibilities were a matter of convenience. I found myself changing his sheets, cleaning bottles that were left in her room or on the coffee table. I was picking up dirty PJ’s off my living room floor and dirty diapers off the coffee table. She was lazy!

After awhile, the anger and resentment builds up. Conversations with my husband turned into constant complaining about her parenting skills. Not just by me, but my husband too. We couldn’t have one discussion without the conversation turning to her. When we got married, her son was 3 months old. we came home from our honeymoon and fell right into raising a baby and his 19yr old mom. I often said, “if she would be the responsible parent that she supposed to be, I wouldn’t be feeling all this anger towards her”  As time went on, the complaining we both were doing, turned to an obsession on my part. Always looking for fault. When I came home from work, I would walk in looking to see what she didn’t do that day and what mess she left. It got to the point that I couldn’t even be in the same room with her. I found myself a counselor. I needed clarification that this wasn’t me over reacting. I had legit reasons for my anger. But my husband wasn’t backing me up, so it led to tension and more resentment……………this time towards him.

I guess my feeling of wanting to leave partly comes from the fact that I don’t want to be raising another child at my age. We should be free and able to come and go as we want. But instead my husband wants to do everything with our grandson. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to pieces, I just feel that at this point in my life, we should be empty nesters and living the life we couldn’t when we were raising our kids.  And did I mention that my husband sees my grandson as the son he never had………………………..that’s a reason for another time

 

Love, Despite

Beautifully written, and what I needed to read today

Tell It Slant Mama

 Before I married my husband, I told him to make sure that he was marrying me for who I was that day, and not for any future changes he hoped to have wrought in me through the “transforming” power of marriage. Though we were both young, I had seen enough unhappy marriages to make me wary of the institution, and who wants to be institutionalized, really?  I had no question that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but I wanted us to start off with as little illusion as possible.  I wanted to know that he saw me, and not some airbrushed version of a girl to be placed on a pedestal.  It is easy to fall in love if you believe all the fairy tales and movies.  Beautiful women with flowing hair and flawless skin meet muscled men with pure hearts and chivalrous intentions and they ride off to his manor with servants aplenty…

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My first real entry

Im sitting in my room at 11am because I am dreading going downstairs and facing the noise and commotion. As I said, my step daughter and her 4 yr old live with me, but that’s not really the problem (well, maybe one of them) Her boyfriend is here with one of his kids. He has two. A 5 yr old over active boy and a 2 yr old girl. Its usually very loud when they are here, Kids screaming, parents screaming at kids screaming………you know how it goes. I tried my best to put up with it, and I complain over and over to my husband, but feel Im not getting anywhere. Hence one of my “am I really happy here” moments. I just want some quiet! Is that too much to ask for?? A cup of coffee at my kitchen table on a Sunday morning?? Instead I get it and return to my room because there, I have quiet….somewhat.

The Boyfriend doesn’t live here, but he is here all the time. He eats here almost every night, most times with one or both his kids. On the weekends, my step daughter is making breakfast lunch and putting them down for naps, then her and the BF sit in my living room and watch tv. (keep in mind, I do not have a family room) They are playing house in my house! I cant keep feeding two families! I have tried to talk to my husband about this, but he doesn’t seem to ever say anything about this. I am frustrated and disappointed. I feel I get no respect or consideration. Days like this I say to myself, “I’ve had enough! I don’t want to do this anymore! I just want to leave and do my own thing!”

 

About me

Im 52 yrs old mother of 2 boys. My oldest is 25, married and living in Georgia with my grandson. My youngest son, 22 is living with me and my husband. I have a 23 yr old step-daughter with her 4yr old son, who calls me Me-mom, also living with me and my husband (her father) We’ll be married 5 yrs this July.

When I turned 50 I started looking at the life I’ve had and where my life was going. Thoughts I never had before started flooding in and I didnt know what to make of them. What have I done with my life, what will I do with the rest of it, how much time do i have left on this earth…………………am I happy?I dont know if its menapausal or a mid-life crisis, but I’m searching for answers that may already be in front of me, but my thoughts are blinding me. Feeling lost and discouraged, frustrated and disrespected. Lonely for the hugs from my kids. Crying is a daily retual these days. Im looking for others who feel the same and hopefully we can help each other through this thing they call Mid Life….